Decompress: to relieve or reduce the pressure (on something); to calm down and relax.
There’s a saying that goes, ”One man’s stress is another man’s burden”. Or as I like to say, ”You’re really stressing me the F**k out and it’s bringing me down man”! Either way, it puts you in a mood that spreads like the plague and affects everyone else around you; who can now feel the weight of your problems. I’ve seen people so stressed out that a dark cloud psychologically looms over them and with a snap of a finger rains down on another persons parade and washes it out in a matter of seconds. No Bueno! Now let’s throw in a couple of sad eyes, a dash of sighs and a pinch of moping around from that same person and you end up with a recipe for total disaster. Ah, no thanks, I’ll pass.
Now, I know what you’re all thinking….. So why don’t you just masterbate or have sex? I mean, doesn’t releasing sexual tension relieve stress? Hell yeah it does! For a moment. But it’s like putting a band aid over a problem that still exists!
Seriously though, Stress is a real issue that can create many health related problems. There are different levels of stress that we might have to deal with on any given day which are hard to decipher between. What one might consider a light version of stress, as compared to someone else’s heavy burden of stress, is all relative to that persons strength of constitution. It makes us anxious, gain weight, lose sleep, form ulcers and can ultimately create depression. Sometimes it can also leads to anger or abuse, in which we end up lashing out at others. But once again, it’s all relative to how each and every person handles the pressure of being stressed, and ultimately, on how they can come to their own resolution.
So here’s a good example: When I’m stressed, I get really quiet, distant and depressed. My brain feels like it’s on fire, my thoughts get jumbled (like an unsolvable puzzle) and I never feel settled. Oh, and forget about my focus level; that gets thrown out of whack by just trying to fix all of the other problems. So what do I do, you ask? I ask for help.
This is where your significant other can really be a big help in relieving you of all that angst. And here’s what I suggest: First of all, let me preface by saying that they’re not always going to have the answer. And second of all, you might not be looking for an answer anyways. You just need them to be present so that you can vent and get all of that stress out of your system.
We’ve all had those moments when you’ve asked someone, “So, how was your day”? And then all of a sudden you find yourself entwined in this 20 minute rant of how that persons day truly went. It makes you want to jab your eye out with a pencil right? Well, unfortunately, with your significant other, you better take some Valium, drink a full bottle of wine or whatever it’s going to take for you to be a good listener. Because to them they’re opening up and entrusting you to be able to help them decompress the stress. Now, don’t confuse what I’m saying with them coming home with just straight up gossip, because then you’re just going to put your head in the sink a drown yourself to death. No, I’m talking about just being a good listener when they walk in the door stressed out about whatever it may be that has caused them some form of anxiety that day. This is one of those moments where by just being a good listener really builds trust in the relationship with your partner because it shows that you really care and are by their side no matter what when they truly need you. You give them a safe place to speak and give them comfort. The last thing that you want is for your partner to clam up and not share anything with you because your not being attentive and available to their needs.
Remember, just because they’re sharing information with you that is affecting them doesn’t always mean they’re looking for you to solve their problems. No, it means that if you’re really listening to them you’ll know exactly what they’ll need after they’re done venting. And if you still have no clue what that might be, here are some helpful tips to get you there:
1. Always be able to identify the problem. This means being able to understand what is causing their stress. Usually you can pick this up right after they are finished talking because it’s the words that are repeated most of the time during the conversation when they’re stressed.
2. Every problem doesn’t need an answer. Just because someone is sharing something with you doesn’t mean they’re always looking for an answer. What they really needed was just for you to be a sounding board to release their frustrations and stress.
3. Think-talk it out. One of my favorite kinds of stress relief. This is when your partner comes to you with their issues and tells you they need help think-talking out their stressful situation. In this case, you listen and then help them find a solution to their stressful problem by validating their answers to the questions they already know. This way you are just helping them confirm exactly what they should be doing in the first place; Helping them form their own conclusion.
4. SOS. Situation needs full on action from your part. Whether it be immediate talk off the ledge type help or just a simple “let’s sit down and see if we can come up with a solution together”. Either way, you better be ready to put in the time because sometimes just knowing that our partner is being comforting is good enough to take the edge off of a stressful situation and bring us back down to reality where we can regain a sense of focus to help get through the crisis. Being able to recognize this is huge and definitely shows that you are in the moment with them.
These are just a few ways to help decompress the stress. Just remember to always be present for your partner no matter what and always do your best to be a good listener. Trust me, that goes a long way.