Assertiveness: is the quality of being self-assured and confident without being aggressive.
Most of the time in my life I take a backseat to a lot of things around me because of my nonchalant attitude to life. I have a lot of patience and never feel the need to ruffle my feathers (unless it involves my own personal selfish needs). When others take a stand; I usually take a seat and let them ring the bells. When others want more; I can handle a little less. Now, this isn’t to say that you can walk all over me and that I won’t stand up for what’s important to me. Growing up I had a saying that “I was always 2nd in command and never had the desire to lead. But if, and when, the leader wasn’t getting the job done; well then, excuse me, get out of my way and let me take over and handle the situation” (drop the mic). Problem solved. Thank you very much.
I mean listen, I know my strengths and weaknesses and definitely understand what I have to offer a partner. But somehow over the years, in the dating/relationship world, I realized that there are certain things that just don’t go over so well and aren’t enough. You see, the type of person I have been searching for as my equal is a very strong independent type that can handle her own in any situation. She doesn’t need me to step in and fight her battles and she doesn’t have a problem voicing what she wants. This girl can take the wheel and bulldoze her way through anyone and anything.
But what I’ve realized is that everyone needs someone to step up when the time comes. To take the initiative and make plans when the other is too busy or to handle an issue that just might be too taxing on the other person in the moment. Oh, and by the way, this should work both ways. But the one thing that I’ve learned (and still making the effort to get better at) is that when a problem arises and needs to be solved, it’s time to get off the sidelines and get into the game. And once you’re in, you’d better be committed, focused and ready to take the ball and score.
It’s an awareness that I know I’m getting better at which increase in time as you and your partner grow together. Don’t ask questions, don’t look around for someone to give you the answers, just F**king get off your ass and be the person that your partner is looking for: Strong, confident and assertive. Boom! Done!
Now, I’m sure that we can all agree that some people are too aggressive in this department and, although they are very good at getting things done, they’re also missing a softer, gentler side to them. Where it’s not about equality, but about ego. What you might think of, at first as: strong, confident and very impressive, can somewhere down the road lead to controlling, abrasive and the unwillingness to accept and include your ideas. They aren’t flexible and willing to bend. We’ve all heard of the saying, “Its my way or the highway”.
Being able to grab the reins and take control of a situation is like a dance. Through communication you have to lead your partner in order to achieve harmony while maintaining a sense of grace and style. So balance is definitely the key. If you continue to work on your weaknesses and sharpen your strengths I think you should come out well balanced and this is the ebb and flow of life.
So remember, you don’t have to go all “Braveheart” in every situation, but there’s a time when you need to step up. And if you can’t, your significant other just might finally say, “It’s time to step off”!